Table of Contents:

  • Research and Evidence
  • Statistics/Research
  • Journal Prompt
  • Discussion Guide with Lead Notes
  • Facilitator Prep
  • Tools You Will Need
  • Resources (Videos, Articles)

Violence Against Women and Consent

  • 1 in 3 women have been victim of either an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime 1
  • Females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault. 2
  • 33.1% of women and 39.1% of TGQN People experience nonconsensual sexual contact during college 3

Resources

  • National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey 2010 Summary Report, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf
  • Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Sex Offenses and Offenders (1997).
  • AAU Climate Survey on Sexual Assault and Sexual Misconduct (2015) https://www.aau.edu/key-issues/aau-climate-survey-sexual-assault-and-sexual-misconduct-2015

Statistics on Masculinity Attitudes/Male Attitudes

  • 31.7 percent of college men would have sexual intercourse with a woman against her will “if nobody would ever know and there wouldn’t be any consequences”. 1
  • Only 13.6 percent of these men said they would have “any intentions to rape a woman” in the same situation. 1
  • 50% of men ages 18 to 34 agree with this statement: “If your partner is willing to kiss you, she must be willing to do other sexual acts.” 2

Resources

    1. Violence and Gender https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/pdf/10.1089/vio.2014.0022
    2. “What 1,147 Men Think About #MeToo: A Glamour x GQ Survey” https://www.gq.com/story/metoo-and-men-survey-glamour-gq

Writing Prompts

The following prompts are designed for self-led or collective writing exploring consent.

  1. What is your earliest memory of practicing consent? Who taught you this?
  2. How would you define consent? How does consent already operate in your life’s choices?
  3. Name a time your consent was not given. How did that make you feel? What did you say to that person, or what would you say to that person if you could today?

The following prompts are designed for self-led or collective writing exploring consent.

  1. What is your earliest memory of practicing consent? Who taught you this?
  2. How would you define consent? How does consent already operate in your life’s choices?
  3. Name a time your consent was not given. How did that make you feel? What did you say to that person, or what would you say to that person if you could today?

The following prompts are designed for self-led or collective writing exploring consent.

  1. How does your privilege (race, gender, cis) inform the ways in which you may feel unconsciously entitled to others attention, labor or bodies?
  2. Why do you think consent is not always given and asked for when it comes to sex?
  3. How do you feel about giving and asking for consent in your sexual relationships?

DISCUSSION GUIDE

This discussion guide is designed to be used to explore consent with men, masculine of center or masculine identified individuals.

The material in this training is sensitive in nature and should not be facilitated without a safety plan which includes peer support, trained first responders and licensed clinicians being either present or available.

CAUTION: Facilitator Prep

  • Discussing things around consent may awaken feelings of distress and despair with your participants.
  • Be prepared that there are participants in the discussion who are victims of sexual assault or potentially may have been perpetrators.
  • Have clinical or mental health support on call. If you do not have clinical support in house, be prepared to call a crisis line (see the resource list)

 

Activities Facilitator Prep

Tools:

  • Easel pad
  • Dry Erase board markers.

 

Articles to Read:

8 Things Men Should Know About What Consent Looks Like (Huffington Post)

Men Still Don’t Know How Consent Works (Vice)

Tips For Discussion Guide:

  • Whenever victim blaming, or shaming women’s bodies or choices comes up, bring the focus back to men’s/masculine folks choices, and clarify that this about staying in the mirror with how WE engage consent.
  • Center women’s experiences. Have participants stay present with the discomfort of how they may have impacted women.
  • Convey that this is about changing behaviors– not about shaming the core of who people are. The behaviors that do not honor or understand consent are the problem.

Activity: Exploring & Defining Consent

Shared Understandings for Community Spaces

  • One Mic
  • Take Space, Make Space
  • WAIT (Why Am I Talking?)
  • Brave Space
  • “I Statements

What is Consent?

Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in an activity. There are many ways to give consent. Consent doesn’t have to be verbal, but verbally agreeing to different activities can help both you and your partner respect each other’s boundaries.

FEELINGS WHEEL

Feelings Wheel
Feelings Wheel

Questions:

  1. Name a time someone did something to you or your property without asking your consent. How did that make you feel? (See feelings wheel)
  2. How would or do you feel when your consent is constantly not given, but people are still doing what they want? (See feelings wheel)

LOOKING AT OURSELVES THROUGH OTHERS’ EYES


Women’s Experiences:

As men and masculine identified people, we are often encouraged to take up space, and to get our way by being loud and aggressive.

In contrast, women and feminine folks are taught it’s not appropriate to be assertive or clear about their needs. Not everyone adheres to these norms, but many of us do.

How do you think women might experience men, considering these things?

 

HEALING AND ACCOUNTABILITY WHEEL

EXPLORING WOMEN’S EXPERIENCES WITH US: VIDEOS

The Quad: What is rape and consent: https://www.bet.com/video/the-quad/season-1/highlights/episode-105-s2-candid-convo-rape-vs-consent.html

Walking Home: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2Qpi-fW6jA

One Student: The Game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgIZoLW7gcc

A LOOK IN THE MIRROR

How do you think the messages we receive about women may inform our acknowledgement or practice of consent with them?

What do you need to learn or unlearn about how you engage women and practice consent?

What did you learn about yourself, and what you have been taught about women and consent during this discussion?

How do you think the women in your life have experienced you as it relates to consent and entitlement?

ACTION PLANS

What support do you need from your community to create a culture that believes and respects those who come forward as survivors? What do you need to unlearn?

Who are the people in your community who will support you creating a culture that respects survivors and stops harm against women and all people? How can you organize and support those efforts?

RESOURCES

National Teen Abuse Hotline (1-866-331-9474)

National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673)

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233

Jennifer Ann’s Group – Free Resources on Teen Dating Violence

National Anti-Violence Project – Advocacy for Local LGBTQ Communities 1-212-714-1141

National Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-273-8255

National Runaway Safeline 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929)

OTHER RESOURCES: Articles

6 Tips for Talking to Your Teenage Son about Consent

Teaching Kids About Consent

Teach Consent

The Nuances of Consent and How Some Men Are Trained to Ignore Them https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/nuances-consent-men-trained-ignore/

OTHER RESOURCES: Organizations

Men Stopping Violence

Men Can Stop Rape

The Northwest Network for Bi, Trans, Lesbian, and Gay Survivors of Abuse