Understanding Grooming

According to the American Bar Association, sexual predators first target the survivor, then secure access to and isolate the survivor, while they gain their trust. Finally, they initiate sexual contact—which can range from voyeurism to rape—and convince survivors to conceal the relationship. This can happen online, or in person.

Children are sexually abused more than any other demographic in the U.S., with as many as one-in-five girls and one-in-six boys being victims of child sexual abuse before they turn 18 years old. More than half of perpetrators are family members, and less than 25 percent are strangers.

• to manipulate the perceptions of other adults around the child.
• to manipulate the child into becoming a co-operating participant which reduces the likelihood of a disclosure and increases the likelihood that the child will repeatedly return to the offender.
• to reduce the likelihood of the child being believed if they do disclose.
• to reduce the likelihood of the abuse being detected.

The perpetrators of this sexual abuse are often acquaintances, family members, or trusted members of the community who take advantage of the victim’s trust to manipulate them into secrecy.

Signs include:

• Adults who play games with a child that involve touching genitalia.
• Adults who discuss sexually explicit content with children.
• Adults who buy children gifts with the purpose of building trust and feelings of security and appreciation.
• Adults who touch or hug them in front of trusted adults which makes the child think the touching is OK.
• Adults who find out what your child’s likes and interests are and then flatter the child by claiming to have the same likes and interests.
• Adults who pretend to be a good friend to the child, and act as a sympathetic listener when the child is upset.
• Adults who try to find ways to be alone with the child.
• Adults who tell the child dirty jokes or show them pornography.
• Adults who groom parents to gain more access to the child such as offering to babysit.
• Grooming happens online as well so be aware of your children’s online activities.

Oftentimes, sexual predators use their power to fill an emotional need within their victims, which makes them susceptible to being violated.

While parents may prepare their children to say “no” to inappropriate communication or touching from strangers, it is not always strangers that children need to be aware of.

In order to better protect your children, it is important that parents discuss healthy physical and emotional boundaries with them.

Keep the lines of communication open with your children. Make sure your children know that they are loved unconditionally. These things will make it more difficult for sexual predators to target them.